I was saying to Helena last night that I’m such a master at potty-training kids that I should write a book about it and make millions of dollars.  Too bad it would take only about half a page;  don’t guess anyone’d be lining up to give me a book contract for that.

My loss is your gain, however, as I’ve decided to share my secret for getting kids out of diapers in the space of two days!

I know that most women of our mothers’ and grandmothers’ generations like to brag about how their kids were diaper-free by 18 months and that they’re more often than not aghast at how late kids are training these days.  I decided a long time ago not to worry about that, though, and my technique works better for kids who are a little older, say between 2½ and 3½.

What I do is wait until they’re talking fairly well and old enough to understand the whole thing, then I wait a little longer (this may be weeks, it may be months), just to be sure.  When I’ve decided the time is right, I tell Junior that when the current pack of diapers runs out, there will be no more.  Diapers will be all gone, and it’ll be time to start using the potty or the toilet and wearing big-kid underwear.  Usually they’re pretty excited about this, so I really build it up, reminding them at every diaper change that this will soon be a thing of the past.

When the diapers do run out (you may have to manipulate this a bit, obviously, to make the “last” diaper go on at bedtime, so you can start fresh first thing in the morning), you don’t put another one on.  Ever.  No matter how much they might cry or plead.  No matter how many times they pee on the floor.  No matter if they stop peeing or pooping entirely for a day or more (if this happens, take them outside and make them run around and really exert themselves — they’ll pee their pants eventually and you can stop worrying about uremic poisoning; as far as pooping goes, plenty of fluids and fiber are your friends, as always).

In my experience, by the end of the first day they’ll be tired of peeing on themselves, and they’ll be more willing to sit on the toilet or potty (a little bribery, like a sticker or an M&M for every time they sit there–even if nothing happens–can help this along, too).  By the end of the second day, they’ll have gotten into something of a routine, and they will most likely have stopped asking for a diaper.

We trained both Tage and Petra this way, and it took only two days until I felt confident saying they were potty trained.  They did still have the occasional accident, of course, but not nearly so many as you might think (I’d say less than I can count on one hand, for each one).  I did have pull-ups for them at night–cleverly renamed “bedtime underwear,” so as not to break the no-diaper rule–but all of my kids have been dry at night as soon as they were potty trained, so that phase lasted only as long as one pack of pull-ups.

It is, of course, possible that I’ve just been extremely lucky as far as this whole thing goes, and what worked for me might not work for everyone.  I do think, though, that it’s a sound system and worth trying.  The most important thing, something I can’t stress too much, is to be done–completely done–with diapers when you’ve decided to potty train.  The mixed message kids get when they’re sometimes in diapers, sometimes not doesn’t do anybody any favors in the long run, and I think it’s the biggest reason that so many parents spend weeks or months, instead of days, teaching their kids to use the toilet.